Attention is the currency on social media, folks!
It wasn’t too long ago when women were marrying themselves left, right, and center. In the feminist world of equality, why should Antoine Cheval be left behind, right?
Recently Antoine, a French man married himself after many failed relationships and rejections of love proposals, just like the women in my article on sologamy did.
Antoine saw marriage as a sign of commitment to oneself and so decided to take the plunge and marry himself.
He said, “I was fed up with being alone and rejected, so I decided to prove to myself that I was worth loving and marrying by taking the ultimate step of marrying me.”
Though some may think it odd to marry oneself, Antoine found it to be a liberating experience.
“I’m now more independent, and I feel like I have a stronger connection to myself and my life,” he said.
Antoine may inspire others around the world to follow suit, with some even having their own sologamy ceremonies. Some may call it strange, but for Antoine, it was a way of showing himself he was worth loving and taking the ultimate step of commitment.
Hey, Antoine. Did you know that rejection is a part of life? And men do get rejected all the time. Grow up!
My question would be, why did he have such a need? He could have simply committed to be by his side. What was the need for this so called and ‘symbolic’ ceremony of marrying himself? Besides, what if he gets fed up of himself? ‘Coz people change, you know. Is he going to divorce himself?
The media covers things like this. There are other things media choose to not cover, and perpetuate certain messages over others. Obviously, his act has got Antoine a lot of eyeballs. Attention of any kind feels nice. It feels especially nice when a person is lonely. But it doesn’t solve the problem that one need to actually deal with and work on. Maintaining mental health and building resilience takes work and intestinal fortitude.
Besides, some people want to get married for the sake of getting married. What happens after that, and what a married life involves is something they seem oblivious to. The grandiosity of weddings, the tuxedo and white gown, getting all decked up before the priest and a few (or many) witnesses makes one feel special.
But what after that sologamy?
My Sologamy Story
After my divorce and beginning my life alone from scratch, I had no one by my side.
Today is my ninth sologamy anniversary. Nine years ago in a solo ceremony in my 8ft by 8ft studio apartment, I vowed to always be by my side. To be my own best friend until the day I die.
It seems people love symbols. In essence there is nothing wrong with marrying oneself. But the deeper meaning of self-love is lost in blindly following social media trends.
I had no choice but be committed to myself and my own well-being. No, I didn’t wear a wedding dress or take vows before a priest. All I did was make this cake. It was 5th December 2015.
I was on a journey of self-discovery. I understand the significance a thing or an event can have symbolically.
When I was single, I made a commitment to myself, too. But it was in the privacy of my home, just with myself. What I have learned through practicing self-love is that it’s not about making yourself the center of attention by throwing a huge wedding and take vows in front of people to show people that you love yourself and be with yourself in sickness and in health.
But that’s exactly how buzzwords work. It’s cool because other people are doing it. And you do it because those other people are doing it.
Why would someone do that?
This happens when someone has not taken the time to get to know themselves deeply. In the below video, a woman seen primping and preening herself, applying makeup and talking about “loving yourself” gives a clue about the shallowness of sologamy.
Self-love is not something to proclaim publicly. To drive this point home I’m going to use what I learned through practicing yoga as an example.
We don’t use the body to get into a pose. We use a pose to get into the body.
Yoga, like most things in life, has been commercialized. It’s like people can’t do yoga without the drama of hot lululemon pants. That’s what it’s become all about — attention and show.
Where is the deeper practice in reflection? That’s what yoga and self-love are about. Yoga poses facilitate inquiry and spiritual connection. It disciplines one to live life in constant reflection. It’s the same with self-love.
If you’re someone considering sologamy, ask yourself if you can love yourself without the display of sologamy. Sologamy is the proverbial “lululemon pants’ without which it is very much possible to cultivate the yogic discipline of self-love.
It’s not easy. But in today’s glamorized world of short attention span and promotion of instant gratification, what else could one expect other than commercialization of every bloody thing?
DEI- diversity, equity and inclusion. Every company is into it because every other company is doing it. The understanding of the concept and practice of inclusion have gone out the window. These are simply buzzwords.
They have a buzz about them. Sologamy is a new buzzword. It means fuck all. But hey, it’s popular. And YOLO bitches!
Someone’s got to make money off people’s stupidity. Read this article published on a travel website. Now you have grand solo wedding travel packages. Congratulations! Have fun on your solo honeymoon. How’s your sex life?
Twenty-four year old Kshama Bindu described marrying herself as an act of self-love. Yes. That’s quite an “act” to put on. You get media’s attention. It’s a trend that has caught on fire in many countries.
To me, this seems another thing a feminist would do. Of course, they’ll say that feminism is not just about women. Men also have the option to chose sologamy.
Wait for the cat fight in the comments. Meanwhile… here’s a joke.
A Brazilian lingerie model divorced herself after sologamy because she had found someone. Wow!
I’m curious. How committed was she to loving herself when she decided to marry herself?
As a self-love advocate and relationship coach, here’s the biggest part your self-love plays in your relationship:
Your relationship with yourself is of utmost importance. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it is hard to have a good relationship with another person.
Well, why should you do the hard work of loving yourself if sologamy gets you attention from the media? If that’s true then you didn’t want a relationship. All you wanted was attention. Marrying yourself doesn’t change the fact that you are single.
The question is why commit to yourself? And do you need sologamy to show self-love? I practiced self-love in silence. My hard work in silence is successfully making noise on Amazon as well as in real life.
How Social Media Impacts Youth Mental Health
In his book The Anxious Generation, professor Jonathan Haidt presents stacks of evidence showing the impact of the arrival of smartphones on youth mental health. When the play-based childhood was replaced with the phone-based childhood, what else could you expect would happen?
This is why I choose to use my phone to educate myself, and do my best to not be a slave to it. I truly think that there’s nothing smart about smartphones, and that people need to get smarter if their mental health is important to them.
If you’re considering bringing a real, lasting change in your life, reach out to me at optimysticoachk@gmail.com
Thanks for reading!
Neha